FAQs
Email your wedding etiquette questions to: wedplan@chorus.net
Q Is it customary to give a gift for a second wedding? Even if I gave a gift for the first wedding?
A Showers and registries are perfectly normal for second weddings, however, it is up to the guest to decide if they feel it is appropriate to bring a gift, especially if they attended and gave a gift at the first wedding.
Q How long after the wedding should we mail out thank
you notes?
A Traditionally, you have four weeks after the wedding to send out thank you notes. For gifts received before the wedding, the norm is two weeks.
Q All my bridesmaids wear very different sizes. How can I accommodate them when choosing bridesmaid dresses?
A One solution is to choose the color and fabric for the dresses and then allow your bridesmaids to choose their own style. If you can’t stand the thought of un-identical dresses, consider an a-line or empire-waist dress, which is flattering to all body types. You also might want to add sleeves or have your bridesmaids wear wraps.
Q Can we include where we are registered on our invitations?
A While it is in poor form to write where you are registered on the actual invitation, it has now become common practice to include where you’re registered within the same envelope or along with the save-the-date mailing. It is now considered courteous to provide your guests with this information, however, if you shy away from this reversal of tradition, it is still okay to pass this information along by word-of-mouth.
Q My fiancé and I are moving after the wedding and would really prefer monetary gifts. Is there any way to let our guests know we would prefer this?
A Many couples have good reasons for desiring cash gifts instead of another type of gift, however, it is unacceptable to put this on your wedding invitations. What you can do is tell your absolute closest friends and family members that cash gifts would be welcome and hope that your guests will find out from word-of-mouth. Do not register for fewer items in your bridal registry hoping people will take the hint. You will simply receive miscellaneous items you do not want. Also consider some travel agencies and furniture stores have registries where people can actually put money towards a large purchase.
Q Is it acceptable to invite someone to a bridal shower who is not invited to the wedding?
A Usually no, however there are a few exceptions. If a general shower is held at work for all employees to attend, it does not mean that they all need to be invited to the wedding. If the couple is having a courthouse ceremony or destination wedding, it would still be appropriate to throw a shower with guests who will not be at the ceremony. For any other showers, the guest list should include only those that will be invited to the wedding.
Q I am the maid of honor and would like to throw a bridal shower for the bride but can’t afford to pay for everything. Is it appropriate to ask the bridesmaids to help pay for the expenses?
A If you don’t include them in the planning, don’t include them in the paying. Instead of asking them to contribute a certain dollar amount, ask the bridesmaids if they would be interested in helping you put together a shower for the bride. See who would be interested in taking charge of different responsibilities, such as decorations, the cake, invitations, etc. It is very common for the bridesmaids or other friends and relatives to help out with the shower. By letting each one handle a particular detail it helps spread out the financial burden and the satisfaction of putting together something special for the bride. If someone is too busy to help but would like to contribute money than by all means take them up on it, just be sure the bride knows they were a part of making the celebration possible.
Q How do we invite our friends to the wedding without including their children?
A The wording on the invitation should tip guests off that their children are not invited. If you address the invitation to Mr. & Mrs. William Smith, then they are the only ones invited. However, you will inevitably find that some people do not know proper etiquette and will show up with kids in tow. You may want to call people who may potentially bring their children to inform them that due to the time of day/number of guests/budget constraints, etc., you could not invite people under a certain age or some other excuse. Let them know you wanted to tell them before the invitations went out so they would have time to make other arrangements. Another option you may want to consider, especially if you have many out of town guests who will be bringing children, is to provide a baby sitter.
Q I’m having difficulties with one of my bridesmaids and am regretting asking her to be in my wedding. Is there anyway I can tell her I don’t want her in my wedding anymore?
A Unfortunately, this does happen. Unless you want to absolutely sever all ties with your bridesmaid, it is best to sit down with her, talk about the issues you feel are the problem, and allow her to share her concerns. Discuss whether or not she still wants to be in the wedding and see if the problems can be resolved.
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